List of Jobs I have been Rejected from

- Tea server at Teavana

- Sales Associate at Sketchers

- Bus boy for the Melting Pot

- Bus boy for the Cheesecake factory

- Bus boy for Grand Luxe Cafe

- Bus boy for Il Migore Italian cafe

- Substitute teacher at my old High School

- Sales 'engineer' at Mobil one

- Forklift operator (various locations)

- The Army (Said I would have a hard time to get into OCS)

- Starbucks

- Various Think Energy Group engineering temp. positions.

My mother says I am not applying myself enough. I can't wait to leave home. She's putting me in therapy for my lack of motivation. The counselor has English as a second language and is very touchy feeling. Wants me to get in touch with my emotions. I guess I have to go along now. My mother is getting increasingly irritable.

I just want to leave. Been hitting the gym 4 out of the past 5 days. Want to go 6 times a week. I feel better, though more tired. Sorry that I'm so laconic. More hold ups on the patent. Sigh.

Tell me again Why?

My mother has been buying cheap scented candles from a marshalls in a rather dicey neighborhood. My quote to her: "Ok, ok, I'm coming. We can't keep the car jackers waiting."

In other news, my prototype no longer works.


Sigh.

Overworked and Unemployed

Got my LSAT score. Solid 160. A 9 point increase. Thanks Kaplan. Now all I need to do is go through some 3 years of soul crushing agony with these slightly better than mediocre scores! Hoorah!

Other than that I've been painting my mother's bedroom, removing useless junk from the house, and fixing nearly everything. By everything I mean:

A drawer
The verticals
The Shower curtain hooks and rod
The table
my prototype

Sadly, I fear I'm better suited for mild repair work than anything involving actual engineering. I did not take my EIT exam my senior year due to the fact I was working on too many other projects. So I have no idea what working for an actual engineering firm would be like. Would like to finally get a portfolio together. Had a dream I won the tupperware design contest. I never win in real life.

Mental mantra has changed somewhat. Instead of "And that's why no one will ever love you" I seem to endlessly, quietly repeat "They don't give girlfriends out to you hideous people." Slightly better than the "I will die alone" phase. Need to go back to my pills.

But 160. I need to write my profs for some recommendation letters.

Where has the time gone?

Away forever apparently.

I'm absolutely horrid at diary keeping. Always have been. Keeping a journal has been said to have numerous health benefits. It keeps you in touch with yourself and your past. I knew this since I was a kid, but could never get past three journal entries unless my teacher forced me to write in it.
So, allow me to back track

Today: I planted three trees in the back/front yard, cleared the patio for the new glass doors, collapsed in exhaustion, ate sushi, bought shit at Home Depot and collapsed again. Today is also the birthday of a certain person whose existence has caused me no end of grief. I have not seen her face in two years, but gently caress in agony the mental scars she gave me.

Yesterday: Went to the gym, worked on a prototype, got a facebook friend invite from the only girl who I think had a crush on me in High School, though we only spoke once and from what I remember, I resented her for liking me. I have not seen her in 4+ years. Also found out that my High school class Valedictorian got married. I am baffled by how this fails to surprise me. two out of 68 Hillel '03 Alums are in matrimonial bliss. I intend to never join their ranks.

Day Before Yesterday: I took the GREs. The results: 750 verbal, 680 Math. I prepared for a week with a $25 prep book. Fairly pissed how I came down from a 800 verbal 700 math SAT. I don't know if it's because I became stupid, work slow on math or because it's computer based with only two multiple choice sections whereas the SAT had several. I am not intellectually what I would like to be. And this is upsetting because intellect is one of the only things going for me.

The Previous Week: Took the LSAT. Awaiting the the scores, but if I had to guess, I would be in the 160's. Which is a 10 point improvement, but 10 points from where I would like to be. If I do end up in law school, I don't think it'll matter that much if I just go into IP law and wait out my days fighting for digital rights in the EFF.

Also visited my father's grave. 7 years since he passed away. It's hard to remember what he sounded like. I was fifteen then, so I can remember what he used to say, but I can't imagine what he would say now to me. Atheists seem to be particularly silent at gravesites. I know I was.

The month previously: frantic studying for the LSAT. Damn LSAT prep was a grand out of my meager savings. Couldn't even squeeze enough of the value out since I became addicted to watching streaming episodes of The Office from Netflix. On the upside, I realized that Dwight Shrute is my power animal.

So, that is all you need to know. I'm done with my tests, and now have a brief window in which I will once again subject myself the the cruel ravages of a job search. Before I subject myself to the cruel ravages of Graduate/Law school admissions.

And plant more trees.

Lines for Sitcoms that will never get aired

"I like being Jewish. You get all the benefits of being white, plus the added street cred of killing God's only begotten son."

Aliens, Project Mogul, and Christmas Tape

I still believe in UFOs. By which I mean, I believe that we have been visited by extra terrestrial life forms. I remember being ridiculed for this belief many times, but my rationale for extra terrestrial life seemed good enough: if one of 9 (now 8) planets in this remarkably average solar system could create intelligent life, those odds, applied to the millions or billions of other star systems would surely result in a similar outcome. Likewise, I believed that a worldwide conspiracy of average joes who saw lights and aircraft unknown in the world was pretty unbelievable. Same for my belief in ghosts. However, I did draw the line that aliens were here to promote the works of Jesus or that they wanted to create human/ alien hybrid embryos (after all, what could they need our pathetic genes for? Dumb homo sapiens have already mapped their own genome and if they can travel past c, they could probably whip up any base pairs they want.)

But I still obsessively read a lot of UFO books, magazines, and sucked down paranormal .5 hour TV documentaries. I know what Project Bluebook is, what a close encounter of the 1st, second, and 4th kind are, who the first inter-racial couple to be abducted were, and how many fingers greys are supposed to have. So I was surprised to see on National Geographic channel a UFO documentary that actually taught me something new.


Of course, everyone who knows what's up knows what Roswell is. Basically: a UFO crashed, a rancher found pieces of debris, newspaper snaps pictures of pieces, alien corpses get sent to area 51, and weather balloon is set up as a cover story. But I finally learned how it could all be explained rationally.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:RoswellDailyRecordJuly8%2C1947.jpg

First of all, it always bothered me that a huge, advanced spaceship only left the debris of foil like metal and rubbery components. Secondly, there was no crater or scarring anywhere around the debris. Thirdly, there was never a good consensus with witnesses anywhere. But there were hieroglyphic writings on some of the debris, which didn't sound like something a weather balloon would have. Why not some serial numbers like all good military projects? An innocuous weather balloon would certainly have something like that somewhere.

As it turns out, the perfectly rational explanation is as follows: it was a secret balloon project. Project Mogul was a top secret program which sent weather balloons with advanced detecting equipment to spy on USSR nuclear activity. It was a rush job and since many balloons were needed it was put together by a toy manufacturer in New York. This manufacturer used tape with Christmas decorations on it. This dried on the wood in the Nevada sun to make the purple hieroglyphs. Other details and hype about the story came about 30 years later after 50's sci-fi made the UFO invaders a standard trope. Because the project was top secret, the government did put out a cover story later and tacitly encouraged the UFO story.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_Force_Reports_on_Roswell_UFO_Incident

This came out in 1997, while I soaked up my alien lore a year or two earlier. A victory for Occam's razor, a strange retrospective for my childhood obsession. I could say something cheesy, like the alien fixation was just a reflection of a personal and global desire that we aren't alone, that there is more than just a space ship earth. But for a part of me, it's like learning Santa never existed.

That being said, who wants to fund my X-Prize bid?

In other news, while planting a tree in the backyard, I cut my right wrist slightly. It still hurts. Made me definitely consider a bullet to the head as planned suicide method. Have not taken medication in nearly three weeks. However, I finally tested my vacuum former.

And nobody heard me, not even the chair.

Sorry about not posting in a while. Not that anyone reads this. But I'm sorry nonetheless. I thought that I would actually keep a record of my life so far, but it's really hard to document all the nothing that goes on. I am surrounded by all my High school awards and such, and it makes me realize what a slacker I've become. I have less than a month until my LSAT and it just drains me. As much as I don't want to go to Law School, I REALLY don't want to go to a crappy law school. So, damned if I do, damned more if I don't. I realized that I hated who I was in high school, I just threw myself into my studies until I could escape to college. At college I did (mostly) what interested me, I didn't feel obligated to do anything, and I could comfortably mock those who clamored for useless student group leadership. I know grad school won't make up for my undergrad experience, and I don't even know what I'd study if I went to engineering grad school. The GRE is my next task after the LSAT. Maybe I could just hole up in some school in the west and study superconducting metals. And then I'll get a girlfriend. And a pony. And a leprechaun. Who already has life insurance.

I was so drained from my Saturday LSAT test that I went to sleep at 2 PM and missed a fetish ball, which would have been the only semi-exciting thing to do in florida other than Fatasy Fest in the Keys. Then, I had another class on Halloween itself that ran from 6-9:30. Exactly one trick or treater came by and my mother didn't know I put the candy in the fridge. So he didn't get anything. I was boring this halloween. I hate this place.

The only other thing that happened is that they opened an IKEA near Sawgrass mills. This is a BIG thing. I have seen Disney World exhibits less crowded. But instead, families are just milling about, noting how cheap and chic Swedish designed plywood is. It was so packed
I occasionally had trouble breathing. But it did make me start thinking about designing my apartment. And then I started to think about how I would move to the apartment, would I sleep on the floor when waiting for the furniture to come in, what is a lease agreement, are there any paints that don't have added chemicals. I don't need the Sims, I do this in my head well enough.

Have not been taking my medication lately. Largely because between the $1,200 kaplan prep class and the $200 iPod I bought my mom for her birthday, I am very low on cash and my new insurance doesn't cover medication. Thinking about donating some bodily fluid or another. Also, read recently that as illegal drugs in the 80's subsided, prescription drugs with the same effect grew phenomenally and had the same effect. THe happiest I've ever been as an adult was when I was on anti-depressants.

Thinking a lot about God too. No particular reason.

Goodnight. I have to do logic games tomorrow.